


u mad, bro?

by marmolita



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Humor, Kissing, M/M, chocobro bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 22:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11815251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marmolita/pseuds/marmolita
Summary: The bros play fuck, marry, kill.





	u mad, bro?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this](http://ffxv-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/4113.html?thread=6296593#cmt6296593) kinkmeme prompt. Thanks, prompter anon! I don't usually write this kind of fic but I couldn't let that idea go!

"Okay, okay," Prompto says, laughing. "Fuck, marry, kill: uh, Cindy, Aranea, and Lunafreya."

"Please," Noctis grins, "that's too easy. Clearly I'm gonna marry Luna, kill Aranea -- come on guys you know you'd pick her too -- and fuck Cindy."

"Ahhh, Cindy," Gladio sighs, kicking his feet out near the fire.

"I don't know that killing Aranea would really be to our benefit." Ignis raises one eyebrow, arching above his glasses. "But I suppose of the three, if it must be one of them . . . "

"Gladio!" Noct says as he finishes slurping up his noodles. "Fuck, marry, kill: Ravus, Ardyn, and the emperor."

Gladio splutters as Prompto falls off his chair laughing. "Kill the emperor," he says finally, then hesitates. "Marry Ravus, fuck Ardyn."

"I bet Ardyn's into kinky shit," Noctis says, "but yeah, same."

"You like the idea of getting tied up, Noct?" Prompto teases. "The great King Noctis surrendering his authority?" Noctis flushes and throws his fork at Prompto, who ducks out of the way, laughing.

"Okay Ignis, your turn." Gladio hums, finger tapping his chin as he thinks. "Fuck, marry, kill: me, Prompto, and his highness over there."

Ignis freezes, then says in his best I'm-the-only-adult-here voice, "Really, Gladio, that's awfully juvenile."

"Ohhhhhhhh, Iggy's too good for us I guess."

"He probably doesn't want to offend you by saying he'd kill you."

"Come on, spit it out."

Ignis sighs. "Very well. Marry Noctis. He may not eat his vegetables but he'd still make a good husband." Noctis ducks his head, flushing again, and Prompto elbows him and giggles. "Prompto, I apologize, but I'm afraid you'd be the one who would have to die."

"Aw man," Prompto laughs, "just because Gladio's hung like a--"

"Shut up dude, I don't want to hear it!" Noctis covers his ears in mock pain.

"Yes, well, we've all seen Gladio bathing," Ignis says, eyes traveling slowly over Gladio from head to toe, "and he hardly ever wears a shirt, so I think we can agree that he's objectively the most, for lack of a better word, fuckable."

"Aw, thanks Iggy," Gladio says.

"You're not wrong," Prompto says thoughtfully, "but if you wanted more sex with Gladio wouldn't you marry him instead? Then you could have him any time."

"Is that what your choice would be?" Noctis asks. "Marry Gladio?"

"Are you kidding? Of course not."

"Hey!" Gladio says, indignant.

"I'd fuck Gladio though." Prompto glances sideways at Noctis. "But I'd marry you, buddy."

"For the regular sex?" Ignis asks mildly, and Prompto turns bright red.

"Hey, you said you'd marry him too!"

"Yes, well, apparently you and I would kill each other."

"Ignis is the most husband material," Noctis says, though he's secretly glad that two of his friends picked him for marrying. "He can cook, he's organized, he'd take good care of you."

"Thank you, your highness," Ignis says with an inclination of his head.

"I'd marry Iggy," Gladio rumbles. "We're two for two. Prompto, guess you and I aren't cut out for marriage."

"Hey, well, you already got two votes for fucking, all I've got is a kill order."

"Sorry, but that's gonna have to be two kill orders. You know we can't kill Noct."

Prompto sighs dramatically, then sits up straighter. "Oh, so you'd fuck him instead?"

"Sure." Gladio shrugs. "He's the prettiest of the four of us."

"You got that right," Prompto says, and Ignis adds, "I must concur."

"Uh," Noctis says, but nothing else seems to want to come out of his mouth.

"Out with it Noct, who would you fuck, me or Prompto?" Gladio asks.

He brushes hair back from his face and pauses for a moment to look back and forth between the two of them, then says, "I don't really want to kill you, Gladio, but I'd fuck Prompto."

Prompto whoops with glee. "So glad you guys don't all want to kill me!"

***

Later, Noctis and Prompto roll out the sleeping bags while Gladio and Ignis clean up the remains of their dinner. Noctis is just finishing up when he hears from outside the tent, "So, you like to watch me bathing?" He glances at Prompto, who covers his mouth with his hand to muffle his giggles.

"You're certainly large enough that it's hard _not_ to watch," Ignis says in his usual mild tone. There's a slither of cloth, and Prompto crowds up next to Noctis to peek through the tent flap. Gladio's stripped his jacket off and is standing awfully close to Ignis, and the boys in the tent practically choke trying to keep from laughing.

"You could do more than just watch, if you wanted," Gladio says, stepping even closer, and Noctis bites his lip as he waits for Iggy's reply.

"Hm." Ignis trails a hand down Gladio's chest from his shoulder to his navel, and says, "I suppose I could, at that," before he leans in and kisses Gladio, and Noctis and Prompto fall back from the tent flap shaking with the effort of keeping their giggles to themselves.

Prompto looks at Noctis mock-seriously and whispers, "You could do more than just watch," then tackles him into the sleeping bags. Noctis is laughing too hard -- it's too loud, Gladio and Ignis might hear him, so to shut himself up he reaches up and shoves his mouth onto Prompto's. There's a moment where they're just laughing against each other's lips, but then Prompto is kissing him for real, with enthusiasm.

"Still think I'm the prettiest?" Noctis asks breathlessly when they pull apart. There's a quiet groan from somewhere outside the tent and they both start giggling uncontrollably again.

"Of course," Prompto says with confidence as he finally stops laughing. Then, more hesitantly, "You'd really rather fuck me than Gladio?"

"Always," Noctis says. He rolls the two of them over, then leans down and kisses him again.

**Author's Note:**

> YES HELLO I am new to this fandom and drowning in feels about Noctis, the sweetest, most perfect prince, who didn't deserve any of what happened to him. He needs more hugs and kisses. Find me on tumblr @marmolita if you want to say hi!


End file.
